One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize