I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
