So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
