I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize