You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
