On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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