Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
