Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
