In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize