bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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