he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
