Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Drunk is not a location!
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