yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize