i permit you to call me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
