a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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