the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
