there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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