He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
