I think my fart just growled at me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
