i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
