i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
