Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
