is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
