Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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