I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
