please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
