i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm just crazy horny about you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
