i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
