Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So much rum. So many feels.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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