gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's the barista slut.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
