i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
