You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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