it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
