My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
