I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize