He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
