...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
