I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Alive.
So much puke
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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