Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize