Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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