her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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