Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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