btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize