i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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