she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
