I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize