I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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