I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
