Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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