Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
