you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Watching her eat just hurts me
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
