worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it's like iHOP with fire
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
