there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
