ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
