a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
