then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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