there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
