3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
