Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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