I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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