The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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