her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
