Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
