Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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