Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
