I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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