He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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