So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
