Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
