i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
