everyone is single if you try hard enough
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Randomize
