I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
