If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
why is half of my head shaved?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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