She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
