Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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