i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
