If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
