The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
