it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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