if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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