I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
