its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
