fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
zippers are such a cool invention
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize