Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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