The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
