dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
