the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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