good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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