I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
